first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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