I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
