if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I should be sponsored by Trojan
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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