where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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