There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
