So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
