Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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