You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
