I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
