The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
