I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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