I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
