i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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