I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
