he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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