Pants 0. Shit 1.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
