Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
