so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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