i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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