Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
