it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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