bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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