Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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