This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
