Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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