Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My pussy is not your playground.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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