i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
