Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Randomize
