I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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