dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
