We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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