I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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