Tell her she can't have a vagina
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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