How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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