umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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