My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
