letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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