Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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