I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
