im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
