Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
