Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
