I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
