he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
