Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
