You're so nebulous sometimes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
