youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
