So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
