Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
