My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize