There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
