I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
