Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
