He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
