just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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