I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
