He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You dont lie about slip and slides
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
