you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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