dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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