I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
