hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
