Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
