bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
