I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
