??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
