i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
