Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
