Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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