I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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