did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
is wine microwaveable?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
