If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
