I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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