Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
