Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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