i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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