Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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